Written by Jenn Hand, Holistic Nutritionist, Board Certified Health Coach, NBC-HWC
Let’s jump right into this topic today! Do you think you’re too fat for your partner?
Do you think to yourself sometimes, “I feel too fat for my husband!”
Here’s the thing: when we feel awful about our bodies, when the reflection that stares back at us in the mirror is not what we want, one big self-loathing thought can creep in if we’re in a relationship, married, or dating…
“I’m too fat for my partner”
This was a huge struggle for me when I dated a personal trainer the year after I moved back from living abroad.
I was friends with him before I left. The year I was gone, I gained about 35-40 pounds. Upon my return he asked me out on a date…
“What?!” I thought to myself.
“He is super fit, trains ”perfect” women all day, I’ve gone up at least a few sizes, and feel disgusting. Why would he EVER want to see, look at or touch my body?!”
I couldn’t fathom him finding me attractive.
Inside, I felt miserable with myself and my body.
I turned him down repeatedly because I was disgusted with myself and was terrified of being intimate with anyone (and having anyone see my body naked).
The full story about dating is on the podcast (if you want to listen to it here), but I wanted to keep this post short and to the point!
*Please note that this is based on my own experience and thoughts. I was never “categorized” as obese in my own journey, so my version of fat may be different than your version. My version was very much a mental perspective and being bigger for my own body frame than what seemed natural for me. So while I can only speak from my own perspective, please take what resonates and leave the rest. ♥
So, if you think you’re too fat for your partner, remember these 3 things 🙂
1. You Are More Than A Body.
You HAVE a body, you are not JUST a body.
It’s hard to remember this when we’re feeling awful about our physical bodies. But you are your dreams, hopes, aspirations, strengths, quirks, and so much more.
We don’t see our partners and loved ones as JUST a body, so why would they see you that way?
The physical you is one piece of the puzzle. Your heart, your spirit, your soul…that is also what makes you YOU!
2. Your Partner Sees You The Way You Don’t
The time I spent dating the personal trainer was a gift.
It was vulnerable, required deep courage, and felt raw to expose myself in this way. But he cut through my embarrassment of my body and my shame to show me that I was more than the low opinion I had of myself.
It was humbling to realize someone cared more about ME, than about the weight I had gained. Someone wanted to get to know the ins and outs of me, and saw the beauty that I couldn’t see.
When you look in the mirror and see just your flaws and imperfections, your partner doesn’t see that.
They see you in a way that you don’t: a beautiful person both inside and out.
⭐ Related Post: Viewing Critical Eyes
3. Their Love Can Help Heal Your Body Insecurities
Love heals.
By your partner seeing you in a way you can’t yet see yourself, it helps open you up to more acceptance, more love and more healing.
Let that gift in. Yes, it can feel vulnerable and scary, but see where you can receive it anyway. You might not like your body or what you see in the mirror, but someone else does.
We typically see the worst in ourselves. So let your partner’s love and acceptance help pull you towards what so many other people see in you. ♥
That alone can help you understand on a deeper level that you are worthy of love, no matter what your size.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic…share your thoughts below 🙂
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Jenn Hand has been helping women like you become normal eaters since 2015.
As an emotional eating coach, she’s worked with thousands of women, helping them to balance their bodies, end bingeing, stop obsessing over food, and start feeling amazing again. As a board-certified health coach and holistic nutritionist, Jenn knows how to support you in making real positive changes that last.
Her articles have been published on Mind Body Green, Tiny Buddha, Thrive Global and other local and global media platforms. She’s the author of How to Be a Normal Eater and the creator of The Normal Eater’s Club program. Listen to Jenn’s advice and tips on the Cake Doesn’t Count Podcast, or read more of her articles for free on the Food Freedom Blog.
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Yes I am hiding ,I won’t meet him! I’m to embarrassed.. I have been called every name in the book. I hate my body, I was always skinny until I hit my fifties.. I have major trust issues because I had two men say they would never be seen with me in public but they loved me to talk with.that hurts
I always remind myself that hurtful comments are never about ME–they are always about the other person’s insecurities, judgements, and own “stuff”. I know so many radiant women..some are thin, some are heavy, some are in between. (I like to think about celebs who are not the size that Hollywood says you should be..and they are still out there, confident, and showing up as exactly who they are). It can be terrifying to put ourselves out there with our body insecurities. And what’s the quote..? “Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter, don’t mind” 😉