When You're Trying Hard to Make Something Happen (And It's Not)

Sometimes on this path it can feel like you’re trying hard to make change happen–but the result seems to elude you.

I look back and feel like so much of my food struggle was wondering why I wasn’t further along.

“They” said if I could just follow this plan, cut out these carbs, refrain from all sugar, it would all click.

“They” said if I followed all of their rules, I would lose the weight, stop the binge, and like what I saw in the mirror.

I desperately tried to do everything ‘they’ said…to stick to all of it—trying to make the result happen.

I did all of the things I was supposed to.

(And spent thousands upon thousands of dollars trying)

The result?

Me banging my head against a wall, wondering why nothing changed.

Fast forward 10 years.

It’s 2015 and I started a business.

“They” said if I just follow this formula, create this type of product, market in this way, it would all click.

“They” said if I just built an Instagram following, created a Youtube channel, did a podcast, I’d achieve “success”.

I did all of the things I was supposed to.

(And spent thousands upon thousands of dollars trying)

And the result?

I don’t have the BIG thing I so desperately want.

Have you ever tried so damn hard to make something happen?

Maybe it’s with food—you swear on all you own that you’ll stop bingeing.

You try just a little harder, cut out a little more, exercise with more effort.

You cry, you swear, you get seduced by the next thing that will “fix you”.

Maybe it’s with a relationship—you go on a million dates hoping you’ll find the one.

You try just a little harder, put yourself out there just a little more.

You cry, you swear, you resign yourself to being single.

Maybe it’s with a career—you do whatever it takes to get that promotion and money.

You work late, put in extra hours.

You get the advanced degree, but get passed up for the promotion.

We try, we effort, we curse, we cry.

And then… we toy with giving it all up.

Resigning ourselves to accept that maybe…this is just how it will be.

“Maybe I’ll struggle with food forever…”

“Maybe I’ll just be at this weight…”

“Maybe I’ll never find love…”

And what if, within that resignation, within that softening into “accepting that you can’t accept”,

….that’s where the magic happens?

What if in our struggle we learn our deepest lessons?

That is not something that’s easy to swallow.

Especially when we feel so desperate and frustrated.

But I look back at my struggle around food. The endless nights of bingeing, the tears that wouldn’t stop, the frustration that filled my soul.

In that 13 year struggle, of doing the “inner work”…I became a different person.

My struggle ‘forced’ me to relearn how to take care of myself.

It nudged me to look at what I really wanted (and not what society told me I should want).

It showed me how to love my body in a way I hadn’t imagined.

I became….well, who I am today.

I didn’t think that when I was IN the struggle.

I hated it, cursed it, wished it would go away.

I only see it looking back on my journey.

It all looks so clear in retrospect 🙂

So when the frustration comes up in my business—of it not happening “fast enough”, of wanting to give up, of being so angry at myself for not being able to make it happen…

I gently remind myself that within our struggles lie our biggest lessons.

I have faith that one day I will look back on this too and see it all more clearly.

We always understand in retrospect why we had to go through something.

And usually, our biggest growth opportunities come through the biggest struggles and mess.

What if in the midst of our struggle, the powers that be are pointing us in the direction of what it is we most need to learn?

Where we’re stuck and banging our head against the wall…?

It’s usually because there’s a lesson we need to learn in that exact stuck-ness.

And what if…

It IS already happening, but we’re so focused on how much farther we have to go?

What if the shifts and subtle small changes are in process, we just aren’t seeing them?

We want the BIG result, the massive change.

But those huge shifts are actually a result of a million small steps/shifts.

So…

Can you be open to the lesson and trust that one day, you’ll look back and know why you had to go through this?

Can you see the small shifts or tiny changes and trust that one day, they’ll add up to big changes?

It’s not easy.

It’s hard being a human sometimes 🙂

I am telling myself this as I’m telling you.

So, breathe, exhale, soften…. and trust.

It always comes back to trust.

Trusting ourselves, the process, the unfolding of life.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this 🙂

You’re welcome to share below or send me an email.

(PS–Break Free from Emotional Eating challenge starts April 14th if you’d like to dive in. Info is here)