When we have a tough time accepting our current weight, it can make us want to diet again.
(Why? Because diets promise quick fixes and even if we know they don’t work, it’s still so insanely tempting!)
This idea of “normal eating” and “being unhappy with my body” can seem like they clash.
We’re “supposed to” accept our bodies.
But then we face reality:
We don’t want to resign ourselves to a lifetime of this size, we think we look better as our “thin” self, and/or the reflection in the mirror overrides any positive thought/affirmation we tell ourselves.
Here are four tips to remember if you’re having a hard time accepting your current weight:
1. Really understand/remind yourself that dieting doesn’t work.
Let’s be real. Dieting is tempting. It’s seductive. It promises quick results and gives us hope for weight loss.
So we’ve got to surround ourselves with materials, resources, people and groups that remind us of this when the going gets tough.
I spent 8 years working on these “issues” and STILL dieted.
I had been in therapy, done an outpatient group program, read countless books, journaled all the time and spent so much of my time “trying” to get over these food issues.
And yet, I still dabbled in dieting when I got desperate.
I knew it didn’t work long term.
But that sneaky little voice said… “but just do this really quickly and then you can deal with the other stuff!”
I gave in. The pull is STRONG.
So. Surround yourself with someone who gets it. (A therapist, a group, a coach, a book, a support system…anything!)
(Some studies to remind you of this here, here and here and a few blog posts here, here and here.)
2. Lean in to the unacceptable.
Here’s the thing about not being able to “accept” something…
Usually, we battle ourselves hard because we feel like we NEED to accept our body.
This then creates a double layer of criticism and emotion.
We are frustrated about our weight and then we’re mad/annoyed/irritated that we can’t just accept it like we are supposed to.
It creates resistance within ourselves and keeps us stuck in the thing we can’t accept.
So, can you lean in to the unacceptable ?
A question I love to ask myself when I’m feeling stuck:
Can you accept that you can’t accept (insert item here)?
Sit with it, pause, reflect on it.
It can create some space, some softness and then some “acceptance” can slip in… (which is the thing we really want!)
3. Pay attention to what your mind is telling you.
Can you catch what chatter is going on in your mind?
Things like…
…“You look better thinner”
…“You don’t look as good as your thin self”
…“Your reflection in the mirror looked sexier 10 years ago at your other weight”
Welcome to the inner critical voice on our mind 🙂
When you can catch it, you can separate yourself from it.
You can recognize that this is societal conditioning, telling us we need to look and be a certain way.
You can challenge it, question it, and realize it’s not true (“You look better thinner” isn’t actually a fact. It’s an opinion.)
It’s important to recognize when we get caught up in that critical voice in our minds and not let it rule our thoughts.
4. You CAN still change.
When we think of acceptance, we associate it with giving up. A resignation that we’ll be this weight forever.
But your body will ALWAYS be changing. As long as you are living, it’s changing.
Skin regenerates every 27 days. Cells constantly regenerate. Gut lining replaced every 5 days. Our bodies are not static.
Your current weight is just one point in your journey.
It’s not the end. It’s not the final point. It’s ONE point.
You can be where you are AND want to change (the subtly of this paradox is something I’m still learning in my life 🙂 ).
Reminding yourself of this can feel like a huge sigh of relief. You can acknowledge where you are, let go of the fight, AND still change.
It’s Your Turn…
What point resonates most with you? How do you cope when you get frustrated at your current weight? Share below 🙂
Everything discussed here is exactly how I feel. I almost loath myself for being the biggest I have ever been. I managed to lose all my excess weight 14.2 kg 7 years ago and now I find myself having to lose 20kg. I just dont get it why I cannot lose weight. I know I should not be obsessed by it but how is that possible when you live with it daily. How do you NOT diet and lose weight?
I decided not to accept that I was overweight, It is the best thing I have ever done. I changed it. Messages to accept my weight, even though it was overweight, confused me, honestly. Over weight is unheathy. My blood sugar was too high, my knees hurt when I walked much less trying to exercise, I was always tired, and I hated shopping for clothes because nothing looked good anymore on me. I am not sure what you mean by saying we need to accept unhealthy. I couldn’t accept it and I am glad because I was so uncomfortable that it motivated me to change. At first, I use Weight Watchers and then I changed my lifestyle to healthy eating. There is nothing good about being overweight. I guess I am confused. Are you speaking to average weight individuals who want to be super thin? That’s the only thing that would make sense to me. I don’t think we should ever accept being unhealthy. We are not victims. We can take responsibility for our health and if we are overweight, that includes taking steps to lose weight. I guess I don’t get your point here?
Hi Mary–thanks for your thoughts. Most of the women that come to my blog or podcast are fed up with dieting–so while they may want to lose weight, they have an internal battle–they can’t restrict (because they end up bingeing) but they hate where they are and desperately want to lose weight. That is what I’m referring to here–pursuing health while still softening into where you are. Punishment, deprivation and self hate never gives us what we want long term. So it’s not about being a victim and not taking responsibility for our health–it’s about working on the deeper “stuff” beneath the food (why we eat for comfort, why we overeat at night, etc). You could potentially replace the word acceptance with something else–acceptance doesn’t mean giving up, it means being okay with where you are, while you are on the path towards your goals of being healthy. I hope that helps explain it from my own view! Of course, we are all on our own path and what I teach doesn’t resonate with everyone!
Hi Luella–it is a frustrating place to be when you DO want to lose weight but are trying not to diet. I’ve been there 🙂 I did a post on eating healthy without dieting that you may want to check out to answer your last question 🙂 https://www.jennhand.com/eat-healthy-without-dieting/
Thank you, Jenn for clarifying! Self-hate and punishment is never productive. I think my confusion comes from my experience with acceptance which meant to me “body positivity” and, as you said, “giving up” and resolving myself to being overweight. “Not depriving myself” meant to me, that I could eat all the chocolate I wanted, etc. This approach caused me to gain even more and become even more unhealthy. I wonder if anyone else feels this way? I tried to live that way for quite awhile until I realized that I didn’t have to accept where I was or how I felt. I DO have to deprive myself at times to be at a healthy weight. I have to say “no” to ice cream sometimes when I really want it. I don’t see how I could lose weight any other way. I don’t crash diet but I do have to follow a healthy eating plan (call it a diet if you want) and watch that I am not eating too much for the energy I am putting out. At my age (55) I have to keep indulgences to a very bare minimum. I get it that every teaching doesn’t resonate with everyone but I wonder if anyone else (especially those who are in mid-life) gets the message that they are somehow supposed to be able to eat as usual (the typical American diet) and be at a normal weight? That is what was frustrating to me. I get the part about emotional eating, etc. because I am a therapist by occupation but for me, it really came down to saying “no” to myself more often and making healthier food choices. Thanks for responding!
Thanks for bringing this perspective into the conversation. I definitely do think people are confused about the messages we get around food/body/weight. And that deprivation is the only way to lose weight. It’s a balance that we each have to find for ourselves–the balance of allowing food that we find enjoyable and satisfying (which doesn’t mean “screw it, I’ll eat what I want”) and also nutritious and nourishing. It is a hard balance to find when we have so many messages from the world around food! I think I need to do a post or podcast on this topic… thanks for sharing! 🙂